I am struggling with hopelessness today. My life is good. My son is recovered from his surgeries, my daughter has a cold but is otherwise doing great. My husband is amazing. So, why does the world look so gray? #Depression is a thief. It steals hope and light and joy and then makes us feel guilty for feeling lost when we have no visible reason to do so. So, I am struggling with that, too.
But, today, this is where I am. Since January, 2014, when I admitted my struggles to the world, I’ve tried to share, to help reduce the stigma surrounding depression and other mental illness. Some days it’s harder than others. Some days, like today, I feel like a complete failure at everything I touch.
Like there’s no reason to even keep trying.
I am determined to cling to the knowledge that I’ve been here before, and I’ve always come through to the other side, no matter how hard it is. But, today, I’ll wrap up in my softest blanket and hide from the world and pray for hope and light and joy to find its way back to my heart.
My word for 2020 is Kindness, and I’m going to try so hard to put more of it into the world. More kindness, and more love, instead of adding to the constant fuel of anger and outrage. Maybe this will help me survive.
If you’re struggling, too, please know that you are seen and you are loved and hang in there with me. Tomorrow is another day and, hopefully, the sun will shine for us again.