ACIMH Archives - Alyssa Day

The inescapable dork DNA

April 8, 2018 by Alyssa Day Leave a Comment

ACIMH,* Sunday edition:

Me: Will you please fill up the rice canister? There’s a huge bag of jasmine rice on the pantry shelf.

College Ninja: *gets giant bag* How do I open this?

Me: Scissors

Navy Guy: *makes doubtful noise, starts toward kitchen*

Me: Judd. Your son is almost 21 years old. He can figure out how to open a bag of rice.

Navy Guy: *walking off* Maybe…

Me: Did you hear that, Connor? Now your manhood is on the line.

CN: I SHALL PREVAIL. Also, you two are dorks.

Me: DNA, my son. Look at your future. Also, I GREW YOU IN MY BELLY.

CN: *shakes head and sighs* I wondered when you’d bring THAT up again.

*Actual Conversation In My House

And then they ate him…

February 26, 2018 by Alyssa Day Leave a Comment

ACIMH*, the car trip back to college edition:

Me: What are you studying?

College Princess: French. I have a quiz today.

Me: Want me to help?

Her: No. You’re all Miss Perfect Pronunciation. It’s annoying.

Me: Want me to teach you how to sing the French National Anthem in French?

Her: It’s all about bloody dying and let’s sing about decapitated heads. The French are dramatic. So, no.

Me: Well, to be fair, most national anthems are about blood and dying and patriotism…

Her: Did you know what happened to a prime minister in Holland?

Me: The people beat him to death with their wooden shoes?

Her: No. They killed him and ate him.

Me: *snorts hot tea out my nose*

Her: I’m not kidding.

Me: And you thought the FRENCH were dramatic.

*ACIMH=Actual Conversation In My House

I have options . . .

February 20, 2018 by Alyssa Day Leave a Comment

ACIMH*:

Me: Just got back-to-back recruitment messages from J-Date and Christian Mingle.
Navy Guy: Is there something you want to tell me?
Me: Better keep up the good work, buddy.

*Actual Conversation In My House

photo of us on a date, pre-marriage, to a Navy ball. look how cute we were! 🙂

Unappreciated — ACIMH

May 10, 2017 by Alyssa Day 1 Comment

So I’m learning to cook, in the Better Late than Never category. Tonight I made my first-ever roast chicken, and the Actual Conversation In My House went something like this;

Me: I made my first-ever roasted chicken**! Isn’t it beautiful??

Navy Guy: You roasted it upside down.

Me: But at least it’s roasted. And beautiful! And I made my first-ever gravy that turned out great!!

Navy Guy: Too much salt in the gravy.

Me: WELL, AT LEAST I TOOK OUT THE FREAKING PLASTIC BAGS OF GUNK, UNLIKE THAT TIME WITH THE THANKSGIVING TURKEY.