Thoughts on 25 years of marriage

Thoughts on 25 years

Today is our anniversary. A quarter of a century! How did that happen? I can remember like it was yesterday standing in that church, slightly nervous but completely in love, optimistic for our future together. And now here we are, twenty-five years later, no longer nervous but still completely in love. It feels almost like a miracle, and I know I will never take it for granted.

It doesn’t escape me that marriage is a lot like a career in publishing — there are a lot of highs, more lows than you could have imagined, and some of the time you’re just making your way through, putting in the work, remembering that love is the basis of it all and everything else is just details. As long as the love is there, we can try to get through the rough patches.

So, here we are. Twenty-five years later. Most of it was a Navy life, so we’ve lived in nine different homes. In four different states plus a stint in Japan, during that country’s horrible experience of the triple destruction of an earthquake, tsunami, and nuclear meltdown.

We’ve raised two children into wonderful young adults, and we’re amazingly proud of them. Our son is following me into law school, and our daughter is a brilliantly talented artist. Both of them are happy and independent and compassionate people who care about others and about the world. We are so very lucky. We’ve had our shares of health issues and surgeries, but we are so grateful that on the whole, we are all healthy and safe, especially during this difficult year.

Careers! Judd retired from twenty-five years in the Navy and has a job he enjoys in the private sector. I went from being a trial lawyer (three different states! Three different bar exams!) to becoming a full-time writer. Even when the transition was hard, even when I was printing out resumes to go back to being a lawyer, Judd supported my writing and told me I could do it. I just needed to give it time. The first time one of my books hit the New York Times bestseller list, I was painting a wall, getting ready to move out of our house to go to Japan. I dedicated that book to him.

I dedicate them all to him. To the kids.

I have been open about my depression, so you won’t be surprised to know that many rough patches in these years have involved my mental health. Knowing that Judd is there for me, to support me when things are hard—to be my person, my strength, my safe space—has been the reason I’ve survived.

Twenty-five years. People keep sending us cards saying “here’s to the next 25!” and I love that. Judd jokes that he’ll be chasing me around in his wheelchair when we’re 100 years old, demanding kisses and hugs and tapioca pudding, and I love that too.

I’m so lucky to have him, and I probably don’t tell him that enough. But I got him a very fancy barbecue smoker and he’s outside right now, tickled to the bottom of his engineer heart to have a new toy to play with. And as he said, way back when we were dating:

“Of course I love you! I changed the oil on your car!”

So: I love you, honey. I got you a smoker!

I think it would be hard to write romance if I couldn’t believe in true love, and I’ve been so lucky to have been surrounded with it for twenty-five years.

Here’s to the next 25, indeed!

And thank you for being part of our lives, some of you since the very beginning, my very first published book way back in 2003. You’ve gone through moves and changes and ups and downs along the way with us. We are lucky to know you, and we appreciate you more than I could ever say.


  1. Denise on March 23, 2021 at 4:19 pm

    Wishing you both a Very Happy 25th Anniversary and many, many more!!!!

    • Alyssa Day on March 24, 2021 at 12:34 pm


  2. Amanda Bhear on March 23, 2021 at 6:18 pm

    Congratulations! I wish you many more. My parents had their 50th anniversary February 14. I hope that this year is better for you & everyone else as well. Thank you again for all the joy & fun you give us. For your husband, Thank you for your service Sir. My dad is a Vietnam Vet. Happy Anniversary to you both.
    Thank you,

    • Alyssa Day on March 24, 2021 at 12:34 pm

      Thanks, Amanda!

  3. John Walters on March 23, 2021 at 7:24 pm

    Congratulations 🍾 🎉 May you have another 25+ wonderful years ❕

    • Alyssa Day on March 24, 2021 at 12:34 pm


  4. Catherine B McDonald on March 23, 2021 at 11:26 pm

    Happy 25th Anniversary. May God bless you with many more. I’m so happy for that you have a true partner and that your love endures. I lost my husband of37 years. It was a long row to hoe. Love comes and go but having a partner in both body,mind,and soul is a blessing. Keep on keeping on. Love to you both.

    • Alyssa Day on March 24, 2021 at 12:33 pm

      I’m so sorry for your loss. All my hugs.

  5. Christa on March 24, 2021 at 12:25 pm

    Congratulations on your 25 Anniversary and good Luck in your Future.
    I like reading your Books with a great Imagination.
    Thanks and keep safe ..

    • Alyssa Day on March 24, 2021 at 12:33 pm


  6. Carmen H Ketchum on March 24, 2021 at 6:10 pm

    Congratulations on 25 years of marriage. May you be blessed with 25 years plus more. Congrats again.

    • Alyssa Day on March 24, 2021 at 6:16 pm

      Thank you!

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