I’ve worn myself out again & #depression, that nasty bitch, was waiting for me

2019 has been tough.

I got sick not once, but twice. I’ve got some eye problems going on. My beloved Riley dog got cancer and died so fast we didn’t even have time to process it. I had to cancel going to a reader conference I love.  I had/have three deadlines right in a row from a domino effect of the illnesses costing me time; from my grief over Riley costing me time.

So naturally depression has been lying in wait to catch up and kick my ass.

On the 9th, we added a beautiful, tiny pug puppy named Rosie to our family. Penny, after a wary start, has warmed up to her and now they’re buddies. She is a delight, and we all love her.

But depression was lying in wait.

This week has been very, very hard. My only delight has been playing with Penny and the puppy in between bouts of trying to get words on the page. Sometimes, I go sit in my room in the dark, and remain quiet and still, trying to hide from the sadness.

I keep telling myself that it will get better. That this rough patch will pass; that life will quit painting itself in shades of gray and black.

I hope I’m right. Sometimes it’s hard to see the sunlight.


  1. Nidia on March 25, 2019 at 11:59 am

    Please tell me you are seeking help. Depression is not something you can handle on your own. That is a misconception, a trap many people fall into.
    Keep searching for that help and know that there are people who like and admire you. I had a friend who passed away, during her many bouts of illnesses she would repeatedly say..”This Too Shall Pass”.
    It may not take some time but one day you will find yourself on the other side of the tunnel.

    • Alyssa Day on March 25, 2019 at 12:15 pm

      I do get help, and I am on meds. Thank you for reaching out, and I’m so very sorry for your loss. It’s a rough illness to deal with. xoxo

  2. Jacqulyn J Taylor on March 28, 2019 at 11:35 am

    Know that your readers also suffer from depression. I am am disabled with bi-polar. It took year with meds, counseling and processing to get me to a point where I am more even. It takes a serious crisis to really pull me down. If you can, take time out to do the following.

    I have learned to let the pain of depression flow through my heart. I allow myself to feel it’s intensity. It has to flow taking everything that can fester with it. It’s not easy and can become unbearable during the process. Most often it will come with cleansing tears. I have no one but my cat for family any longer. You have family. You don’t have to be alone while you are doing it. Let them in on the process and they can support you during the release. Maybe significant other cuddle with you during it?

    I cannot know if this will work with you the way it has for me. Each person is different and their solution is different.

    You are in my heart and my prayers.

    • Alyssa Day on March 28, 2019 at 11:57 am

      Thank you so much. And all my hugs and love to you, too.

Leave a Comment