Hello, my darlings!

Two things:

First: I’ve discovered I hate traveling. I just did a week-long trip to Ohio that included two 800-mile drives (there and back, not random side trips to New Hampshire or something, because that would be weird), and I hated almost every minute of the travel part. (Although I did binge-listen to the Joanna Penn podcast, so now I know a crap ton more about publishing, plus I imagine she’s my lovely, giggly best friend, which means she’s probably on the verge of getting a restraint order against me.)

So, back to hating travel: I’m going to reach out to you in the comfort OF YOUR OWN HOME. But not in a creepy, stalkery way, but in a “we’re going to have happy hour Fridays together” way.

Starting Friday, November 9th (my BIRTHDAY!!), I’m going to try to do a regular happy hour Facebook Live chat. With wine. And we’ll talk books and I’ll take questions and read snippets of work in progress, and maybe a chapter of the latest release, and you’ll meet my dogs and it will be LOVELY and there will be no toll roads involved. Check me out (and follow the page) HERE.

Second:

So, here’s a secret: I’ve found a veritable treasure trove of old blogs I’ve written over my decade and a half of being a published author, and I’m going to roll some of them out as reboots, because if CHARMED and ARCHIE and SABRINA and MAGNUM, PI, and HAWAII 5-0 and STAR TREK can do it. . .  🙂

If it’s a reboot, I’ll include ‘redux’ and you’ll know. But I’ll only reboot if it’s still pertinent today. And if you’ve been shopping lately at Forever 21 with your teen daughter and seen all the orange and brown and fringe (blurk!), you know that all things old are new again. Trendy, even! So, without any further ado (or fringe). here is:

Synopses, Red Hair, and A Secret of Publishing

I hate writing synopses (these are a one or more page summary of what is going to happen in the book you haven’t even written yet.  Plus, I’m not particularly good at it.  Also, and this is a big one, my books NEVER, EVER TURN OUT LIKE THE SYNOPSIS.

EVER.

There, I’ve confessed it.  <whew>  So, of course, this is why I’m almost turning myself into a redhead again. . .

For the past several days, I’ve struggled to write a synopsis for my novel.  I have a great title, I have a great concept, and a terrific protagonist and fantastic supporting characters, so I know I’m going to LOVE writing the book.

But.

My editor/publisher wants a synopsis.  This is where the BIG POOPY part of the process comes into play.  I SUCK at SYNOPSES.

My first-ever attempt at writing a synopsis still makes me cringe.  It sounded like a lawyer wrote it (not all that surprising, considering that a lawyer DID write it, but still).  It went something like this:

Then, the party of the first part stormed into the lien holding owned by the party of the second part and proceeded to invoke his irrevocable, binding, and only-to-be-challenged in arbitration steamy kiss.  [Kiss is heretofore defined as a meeting of lips by mutual consent, notwithstanding prior definitions, the Florida Rules of Evidence, or how loudly the judge makes armpit farts.]

I’m exaggerating, of course.  It really wasn’t that bad.

It was worse.

Now, of course, I have gotten the hang of it a little bit better, so at least my editor doesn’t want to stab herself with her letter opener.  When I whined to my agent (she bought a whine filter for her phone since she took me on, I’m convinced), she said:  “Don’t worry about it.  Good authors never have books turn out like their synopses.  Editors know this.”

HUH?????  WHY DIDN’T ANYBODY TELL ME THIS BEFORE AND SAVE ME HOURS AND HOURS OF TORTURE???  Sigh.

Well, you heard it here first.  A secret of publishing, in Friday writer’s corner.  Good luck!  I, of course, stressed about mine so hard that I almost dyed my hair red again today.  (Don’t ask, it’s a thing.)

Hugs,

Alyssa