American Idle
Published by: Holliday Publishing
Overview
Reality TV meets laugh-out-loud humor in this intelligent chick lit novel. Jules Vernon’s life had been stalled for too long when she lands a job on a cheesy new reality TV show. But with crazy contestants, crazier coworkers, and a hypochondriac judge to manage–her life has ramped up to unreality. Life, love, and a search for her own reality make for a wild ride.
When her celebrity chef boss knocked her out with a frying pan, it jump-started Jules’s life. She’d been a slacker for too long – job-hopping, man-hopping, and trying to find out who she might be when she wasn’t pretending to be someone else.
Now she’s lucked into a job on a reality TV show, and she’s herding contestants, wrangling judges, and trying to make the hot guy of her dreams realize she exists as more than a shallow party girl. Life, love, and the unreality of reality TV make for a wild ride as Jules conquers Pop Star Live! and happily ever after takes a crazy twist.
Raves
[H]ard not to feel a sense of kinship as [Jules] marvels at the confidence of inept contestants or shares her insights on the reality TV phenomenon . . . a zany debut.
—Publishers Weekly
Laugh-out-loud funny, with characters that win your heart!
—Suzanne Brockmann, New York Times bestselling author
“Smart and sassy.”
—Library Journal
“American Idle [is] simply fantastic. … Alesia Holliday has my vote for Chick-Lit Queen of the year.”
—Betty Cox, Affaire de Coeur
“Turn off your TV and read this book! I laughed my way through AMERICAN IDLE—much more entertaining that any Reality TV show.”
—Lydia Funneman, Writers Unlimited
“I’ll warn you right now, this is a definite two boxes of tissue book; you’ll laugh yourself to tears. Charming characters come to life immediately. This is without a doubt in the top ten books of the year.”
—Huntress Reviews
“Dorchester has launched a new chick-lit line in fine style with this well-written, fast-paced, hilarious novel from new author Alesia Holliday. . . Ms. Holliday is a talented writer whose characters are three-dimensional and realistic, and her dialog is entertaining and witty. I enjoyed this novel immensely.”
—Tanzey Cutter, The Best Reviews
“Ready for a smart, funny, totally entertaining contemporary romp? AMERICAN IDLE . . . has all the elements that are sure to make Ms. Holliday’s name pop up on bulletin boards all over the internet circles. A book you don’t want to miss, AMERICAN IDLE is one I . . . couldn’t put down until I’d finished it. Don’t miss this author’s debut book, because I guarantee you’ll be seeing a lot more of her.”
—Jennifer Russell-Hill, Roundtable Reviews
“My advice to readers is that they fortify themselves with food and drink close at hand . . . you’ll have to stop frequently and explain why you’re laughing hysterically. Alesia Holliday goes on my author list of automatic buys!”
—Kate Barker, Library Manager, Richmond Hill Public Library, Georgia
“Wacky, witty, wise and wonderful with the most endearing characters that I’ve encountered in quite some time. I loved it. Sometimes hilarious, sometimes heartwrenching, always intelligent and most often just plain fun. You can be sure that this is one book that I will personally be handing to ‘my’ romance customers at the store.”
—Anne Martel, South Plainfield New Jersey Waldenbooks
“Reality TV fans, chick lit readers, and contemporary romance fans will appreciate the opening gamut of Dorchester’s new imprint. Hurricane Jules’ effort to bring order to chaos, much of which is her making, turns AMERICAN IDLE into a fun novel.”
—Harriet Klausner, allreaders.com (rated 10/10)
Excerpt
Prologue
POP STAR LIVE! – AND THE WINNER IS . . .
It doesn’t matter who wins. It doesn’t matter who wins.
I say it, but I know I’m kidding myself. Twenty-four million votes say it matters. A big, fat contract at KCM Records to the winner — worth a million bucks, minimum -– says it matters. Lurking backstage, I split my attention between the only two men who’ve seen me naked in the past two years. Well, with the lights on, anyway.
One onstage, one in the front row.
I’m as caught up in the drama as anyone else in the country. More, maybe. I’m part of it. Me. Jules Vernon. People magazine’s Face Behind Reality TV.
What a joke.
“And, finally, the name we’ve waited all these long weeks to hear. America’s new POP STAR LIVE! is . . .
Chapter 1
Concussion by sauté pan.
How it all started.
“I need SEA SALT, you moron. Not salt with a freaking UMBRELLA on the box. SEA SALT! I am a chef, an artiste. Not a short order cook at your local diner. Is my publisher hiring the mentally challenged, now?”
“Er, your list didn’t specify. . .”
“Of course it didn’t specify. What kind of idiot would have to be told that you cook asparagus quiche with sea salt? You, Julia, are a media escort. Your job is to make my life easier. I don’t ask for Evian water. I don’t ask for Belgian chocolate or white roses. I’m not some freaking prima donna. I must have the right ingredients to do this demonstration on live television. I don’t want all of Dallas to think I’m the kind of peasant who cooks with TABLE SALT.”
[NOTE TO SELF: Bet she didn’t learn to use the word peasant when she was growing up in New Jersey.]
“It’s, um, Jules, not Julia. And I’ll try to find sea salt. But if you have to, could you make do? We only have seven minutes until your demo, and . . .”
When I woke up in the hospital, they said she’d smashed her sauté pan into my head. And then (like this fact was in any way important to my concussed brain) she’d gone on to do the segment. Isn’t that great? What a trooper! Even with the stress of braining her media escort with a cast-iron instrument of death, she’d made quiche on live TV. And look, she even sent flowers.
Bitch.
